It felt like I had become separate from my own self, as though a part of me was just watching my body go through the motions. Daily routines like getting up, making the bed, and working the day away felt almost mechanical. I was in a toxic relationship and heavily depressed. I wondered what would happen after I died. I was bombarded with intrusive thoughts, suicidal feelings, urges to hurt myself, and feelings of despair. What if I attempted to kill myself and it went wrong? What if it went right, but in the last few moments of my life I realized I had made a mistake and regretted it?
What exactly happens after I die? What happens to the people around me? Could I do that to my family? Would people miss me? And these questions would eventually lead me to the question, do I really want to die? The answer, deep down, was no. And so I held on to that to keep me going, that little glimmer of uncertainty every time I thought about ending my life. Things had been going downhill for a long time. I had been suffering with severe anxiety caused by PTSD for several months, which had escalated to daily panic attacks.
I experienced a constant feeling of dread in my stomach, tension headaches, body tremors, My Suicide - Im Alive nausea. It was a huge turning point, going from feeling everything at once to feeling nothing at all.
And, in all honesty, I think the nothingness was worse. The nothingness, combined with the same daily routine and toxic relationship, made my life feel utterly worthless. At the end of my rope, I turned to Google. Scrolling through post after post, I realized that actually, a lot of people understood. A lot of people knew what it was like to not want to be here anymore but not want to die. We had all typed in the question with one expectation: answers.
And answers meant we wanted to know what to do with our feelings instead of My Suicide - Im Alive our lives.
The way I stared back into your eyes, defeated. For once, I finished something I started. For once I was brave enough to go through with something risky and dangerous. All of you always did and still do such an excellent job at living, and I was happy for every one of you. Your lit up, elated smiling faces made me smile, although it broke my heart all at once. I felt bad and guilty because you loved me. I tried numerous times to push you away, to make you un-love me so I could take the plunge quicker.
My attempts always failed. Your compassion pained me as much as it consoled me. I often wished that having you in my life, and all the other privileges I had was enough, but I could never find what I was looking for.
I think he often looks down and cringes, embarrassed that he moulded a mistake. The concept was created to keep us on track, and motivate us to do good.
What if earth is hell? It sure felt that way. You can close this box by clicking the top right "X". Forums New posts What's new. Log in. New posts. What's new. I'm still alive. Forums General Discussion Suicide Discussion.
Wanted to let you guys know. Reactions: Final EscaperirikaXerox and 27 others. JustAboutDone. Jan 1, 3, Hi there, fwiw My Suicide - Im Alive glad you're ok - even if you're not Reactions: ForestLoveFinal Escapebrighter and 13 others. Othermind Specialist. Dec 26, 1, VoloFataliDoce said:. Redt2go flower child. Jan 5, 1, 7, Macc Lad Specialist. Jan 22, Reactions: Final EscapeSickman75Salvacion and 7 others. Oct 3, 3, Othermind said:. How did they find you?
What went wrong? Redt2go said:. Trulysorry. Dec 31, 95 How long did it take you to pass out if you can rememberand what kind of symptoms did you have leading up to passing out? Evidently my neighbor thought something was wrong and decided to come check on me.
When I didn't answer the door he looked in my My Suicide - Im Alive room window and saw me. I should have closed the curtains. I don't know why I My Suicide - Im Alive. I was out. He said he came by around ? That would have been roughly an hour and a half after I took it.
Sep 17, · No method is foolproof, and I understand the feels when you put so much effort into a goodbye, and then failing afterwards, it was only last week my brother came in (forgot to check my f on door was double locked, I'm such an idiot) and found me covered in blood, still annoyingly alive, and he found my notes, and he read them, that was a little awkward. That was my 8th inpatient hospitalization for the same reason. I was really suicidal. I still kind of am, just not as strongly as I was then. I've tried to move on and not attempt again. I haven't told anyone I'm feeling this way again because I don't want them to think negatively of me again. I'm so tired of being alone. Sorry if this makes no. Aug 24, · I'm glad that I'm alive You've set my heart on fire Filled me with love Made me a woman on clouds above (Yeah) I couldn't get much higher My spirit takes flight 'Cause I am alive, oh. Jun 11, · From suicide, suicide Each year, approximately one million people die From suicide, suicide [Verse 1: Ruby Da Cherry] Suicidal idol, life's a cycle That I'm out of my box I'm . Jul 31, · Sire The Suicide King "While I'm Alive" (WSHH Heatseekers - Official Music Video). All IMAlive volunteers responding to people in crisis, whether online via chat or via phone, are required to complete the HEART and become certified competent as a crisis responder. HEART is a suicide prevention and crisis intervention training and is the foundation of the work of the Hopeline network. I've been suicidal since I was 12, and every birthday I don't understand how I'm still alive. When I was twelve I started writing suicide letters and coming up with plans. I made my first attempt at 14, and have made several more since, the most recent being a month ago. Dec 29, · Maybe make me feel alive I don't know, maybe I'm trippin' Trippin' 'bout all my ex women suicide notes right here by my side Baby I just wanna die, help me find my purpose. Jul 31, · Sire The Suicide King "While I'm Alive" (WSHH Heatseekers - Official Music Video). Thank you for visiting IMAlive! IMAlive is a free, confidential and secure online chat service. All chats are answered by trained volunteers. Please use a computer for best chat connection (cell phones my cause the chat to disconnect unexpectedly).
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